Jack, I Swear...

I don't really have much to write about as a cohesive whole.
So, I'd rather make a bunch of little observations and notes.

-I'm a little more than halfway through Mark Oliver Everett's (E of EELS) memoir: Things The Grandchildren Should Know and before I jinx myself and the book I will say its a harrowing read comparable to Didion's Year of Magical Thinking. I don't really know what I was expecting but this has already far surpassed it. I will write more about this later except to warn you, read with a box of kleenex and maybe a good friend or loved one nearby.

-If there is a planet Radiohead, I would like to live on it. Rolling Stone recently called them the band of the future, I would like to think we've been saving their music in a time capsule so that future generations will know what it was like to be alive at the end of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st. Also, their new album In Rainbows has officially reached the heights of masterpiece. (It just took a few listens) and try not to get chills after listening to videotape.

-The Heath Ledger story is an incredibly sad one. I don't really know what else to say, I had planned on writing a long tribute to him analyzing his performance in Brokeback Mountain. I decided it wasn't necessary and more words would only add to the clutter of noise surrounding his death. I just finished re-watching Brokeback Mountain and I will say, it's an absolutely beautiful performance. Daniel Day Lewis was completely right at the SAG awards, that last scene is like a punch to the gut. It's a tragedy when anyone dies, so I don't mean to prescribe more worth to Mr. Ledger's death than anyone else's But since he was in the public eye and we saw his contributions to the world, it's hard not to stop and think about what he was capable of and what we will now never see. At least we have Brokeback Mountain, and not to harp on this but this is the performance that completely turned me around on him, it's just breathtaking.

-I've decided that I hate award shows. I guess I'm just tired of seeing people with their heads lodged up their own asses in real life, I don't need to see it on television. Especially when it just boils down to 2 hours of advertisements and ten minutes of awards, I think I have better things to do with my time. Plus when we live in a country (here comes Mr. Self Righteous) where more people watch american idol than vote in a national election, I think we need to re-think our priorities. Also after watching Brokeback Mountain and thinking about how that piece of shit Crash won best picture (it was also up against good night and good luck, capote, and munich...dear lord). It's hard not to just want to actively boycott the damn things. Then I think about maybe I'm taking all of this a bit too seriously and like I said there are more important things to worry about, then I think about how JUNO might win best original screenplay.

And I'm right back where I started.

Good night.

To Fix or Ruin

It's Late. I'm tired. I'm about to delve into E's memoirs.

This is all I got.

Kevin Devine speaking for me once again (on almost everything)

You wrestle yourself to the ground
you springboard and kick yourself in the mouth
cause all of that drama, that embarrassed charade
couldn't stop you or settle you down

so you got back with your black hole
and you don't care who's out there or who knows
cause you're spent and you're sad
cause you've bronzed it, it's your badge
and you've fixed it to all your clothes

every t-shirt and overcoat
so it's with you through hot or cold
but i would tear it from the cloth
yeah, i would tear it from the cloth
grow up and knock it off

cause there's a world awake outside
with injustice and music and july, july
with history's arc,
with your family,
with art.
but it don't mean nothing
not to you, not tonight

you can't see past the length of your nose
the biggest problems, well you're sure they're your own
that girl you cut loose
those two friends that cursed you
and all that powder that you can't leave alone

and you say, you know, you know, you know
but i know that you don't, you don't, you don't
cause if you did, you'd really try
if you did, you'd really try to let all that die

so marry yourself to your work
and crowd your confusion with words
then round out your life with some records you like
while you bury your love in the dirt

cause it's endless, the ditch you can dig
you're stubborn, and you're prideful, and you're all over it
so i suggest you make sense of the time you've got left
so you don't end up back where you've been

and you say you won't, you won't, you won't
and i hope that you don't, you don't, you don't
but if you mean it, then stand up and fight
but if you mean it, then stand up and fight
cause i mean, it's only your life

i mean it's only your life
to fix or ruin
to figure what to do with
it's only your life
to fix or ruin
cause no one else is going to do it
cause it's only your life

...And SCENE!

Here is something that happened to me.

Roughly translated into screenplay format.

Enjoy.

EXT. RALPH'S ON WILSHIRE-EVENING
A young man walks out of a Ralph's supermarket carrying a Marie Callender's Frozen Sweet and Sour Chicken and a plastic bottled Dr. Pepper. He turns the corner and heads to the Rite-Aid parking lot across the street where he is currently illegally parked.

He wears a collared shirt and corduroy pants.

It is relatively late for dinner, he is tired, hungry, and eager to get home.

As he rounds the corner, AN OLDER MAN approaches him. He is well dressed, carrying a BEBE shopping bag. He is laughing at the YOUNG MAN, he begins rubbing his chin.

OLDER MAN: Hey, you got the look man.

The Young Man walks by hoping this is the last of their conversation.

OLDER MAN (cont'd): Look at you. You slick.

YOUNG MAN: Thanks.

OLDER MAN: Hey, you got the look, all you need is a suit. You small time though now right? Small time.

The YOUNG MAN doesn't really understand what the guy is saying so he keeps walking in the hope that he will eventually lose interest and walk the other way.

OLDER MAN (cont'd): Yo, you small time but check this out.

He indicates to the BEBE bag.

OLDER MAN (cont'd): You see this bag, this is a 3,000 dollar Burberry Handbag. Do you understand how much this is worth? How much you can make? Yo, if you want to come with me, we could do this.

The young man begins to catch on, very slowly.

YOUNG MAN: No, that's okay, I'm not interested.

OLDER MAN: Nah, man you don't understand. They got these clubs in Beverly Hills, underground clubs, beneath the ground clubs. Nobody knows about them, I can get you in, just come with me.

YOUNG MAN: No really, that's okay I need to get...

They stop at the Young Man's car.

OLDER MAN: Look, you got the look and you small time now. But all we have to do is get you a suit, you could be making 5,000 dollars a day. How much you make now? I bet it ain't that.

YOUNG MAN: I'm sorry, but really I just want to...

OLDER MAN: All we gotta do is, I get you a suit. We go in together, I take the salesperson, I distract them. You head to the back, you can grab at least 3 or 4 handbags at a time. You slip out, there you go, there's the money right there.

Bam.

YOUNG MAN: I'm really not interested in that.

OLDER MAN: I see, I see, you still small time. You into the low risk thing, that's cool.

The YOUNG MAN notices the OLDER MAN pointing at his frozen dinner and soda. Then it hits him.

YOUNG MAN: Oh no, I didn't steal this. I paid for this.

OLDER MAN: You mean you didn't...

YOUNG MAN: No, I just paid for this like a minute ago. I had the receipt but I threw it out.

Silence.

YOUNG MAN: I just...I don't like plastic bags.

Silence.

YOUNG MAN: They're bad for the environment.

OLDER MAN: Oh.

YOUNG MAN: Sorry.

OLDER MAN: Okay well. Alright.

YOUNG MAN: Sorry about that.

The Older Man slinks away into the shadows. The Young Man gets into his car and drives out of the Rite-Aid parking lot, back to his apartment.

THE END

Over-rated, Under-Rated, and Useless Trinkets

Wow, two blog posts in 72 hours, that must be some kind of new world record.

I would like a medal for that.

Now where was I? Ah yes, proclaiming what I felt were the most over rated and under rated movies of the year.

Let's start with the over.

THE MOST OVER-RATED MOVIE OF 2007

JUNO

Is this a surprise? I guess not to the outside world, but to the blogging world, yes. I would like to think this is the last I will ever speak about this movie, but I'm sure it will come up again (hello Crash?) I don't know what else to say really, a lot of this movie bugs the shit out of me. The preposterous dialogue (I have a thing against dialogue that sounds like a writer hunched over their computers pounding out obnoxiously quotable catch phrases and calling it real human interaction), the obvious and ham-fisted direction. The nauseating soundtrack, the fact that again the dreaded abortion is handled with kid gloves. As is the whole pregnancy as even ardent admirer a.o. scott pointed out in his latest times piece. Here's the thing, I'm all for movies where teenage girls don't just sit on the sidelines or act like uptight prudes, it's definitely an under-represented group. That's probably why this movie is all the more disappointing, either that or because it sucks.

THE MOST UNDER-RATED MOVIES OF 2007

MARGOT AT THE WEDDING, BREACH, LUST, CAUTION

I know, I know my indecisiveness is again my undoing. I was originally going to single out Margot and then Breach popped into my head and then lust, caution. Basically the gist is all of these movies got somewhat of a bum rap when they were released and thus died quick box office deaths. With Margot, people couldn't get over the fact that these characters were so hideous. I couldn't get over how funny, engaging and well played they were. God forbid a movie wants to understand a person rather than fall in love with them. Breach, I don't know, it seemed to have everything. The best performance of Chris Cooper's career so sneaky and exciting. A timely story (I don't even have to get into that one) and a movie about government that doesn't end in sermonizing. But people said it was boring, (so is that kind of work unless you're james bond) so I think the truth is in the details and this movie nails them. Maybe this whole why can't movies about the war sell any tickets can be answered by this: good or bad people want wild hogs, national treasure 2, alvin and the chipmunks, juno, and the bucket list instead of anything else (notice a trend amongst all these?) And Lust, Caution is not a particularly great film. But worth seeing regardless because of the unique poise of Ang Lee. He tried to pull something off her that doesn't always quite work (there's tedium where there should be intrigue) But the effect of the film will stick with you for days and it is only until you put all the pieces together that you see where his heart was in the story. The devastating effects of love and sex and how struggles for power always lead to admissions of weakness. It's fascinating work that will hopefully live on far longer than its worst reviews said.

WORST MOVIE OF 2007

SOUTHLAND TALES

This was a no-brainer but I'm tired of reading about this movie from the gaggle of idiots who all seemed to have slimed their way over from the village voice. It's way brilliant, I think it's just about the greatest post modern deconstruction of our generation. I just put it on my list because everybody hated it, therefore I have something to say. Fuck all that, this movie blows and you would know it if you could stand to sit through it. Destined to become a midnight staple for stupid hipsters everywhere. Fuck it, avoid it like the plague and hope that Kelly can successfully dislodge his own head from his ass. But if he follows the sage like word of these voices writers, that isn't going to happen anytime soon. This movie blows and TRANSFORMERS sucked ass too.

Well that about wraps her all up in a neat little bow. It was a very good year and I can't say I'm excited for 2008. But who knows.

Toodles.

The Anti-Fanboy Top Ten 2007

Well here we are, that magical time of year when critics, bloggers, and online movie fans ramble on and on about their favorite movies of the year in the hope of proving that their list is superior in every way to all other lists.

I am here to tell you that my list is the list of all lists

Period.

No, this whole practice of list making is kind of silly, it doesn't really serve a purpose other than for critics to justify their pathetic existence. I kid of course, it's just fun and of course it means nothing but if you want to get into that debate I might as well shut down this blog right now. I enjoy doing this and it allows me to think about the movies I love in a different way.

So without further ado...

Drum roll please.

1. ONCE
I consider this to be my favorite movie of the year. Maybe some movies were better shot and more professionally assembled, but no other movie this year lifted me up the way this one did. It may not have the polish of other movies, but it is still perfect. You fall in love with this movie and not because it offers phony uplift but because it quietly sneaks up on you and breaks your heart. It's about two people who need each other at the exact same moment but are wise enough to know they can not be together. It's funny, honest, and full of the kind of moments you rarely find in life let alone film. Oh yeah, and the music is fantastic.

2. ZODIAC
As soon as the credits came up on David Fincher's Zodiac I not only knew I had just seen not only one of the best movies of the year (and Fincher's personal best) but maybe one of the best movies of the past decade. Exhaustive, exhilarating, and enormously fascinating, this procedural leaves all others in the dust. It takes a certain kind of talent to assemble of the information of a thirty year investigation (that's still active) and convey it with the visual deftness of an artist. Fincher puts that into every single frame of the film and it's an astounding achievement. I bemoaned the quick box office death of this film, but the fact that a major studio even made it is a victory in and of itself.

3. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
Chasing right at the heels of Zodiac (in a perfect world they would be tied) the Coen Brothers' No Country For Old Men has the same kind of scarily perfect execution of craft. And they both sacrifice empty violent redemption for a more meditative questioning of how violence can destroy the mind. No Country features the kind of borderline sadistic suspense sequences that make you forget you are comfortably sitting in a theatre. Not to mention three performances that complement each other so well, it's a marvel they just barely every appear on screen together. The Coen brothers have always been a unique and surprising team, but here they revel in their masterly expert storytelling abilities and the results will floor you.

4. SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET
I saw Sweeney Todd on opening night and it instantly placed on my list. I saw it again and it shot up to number four. Tim Burton's unrelentingly bleak horror musical lays waste to all the stagnant, empty musical pageantry that has plagued our theatres these past couple of years. This one goes to those places that seem only reachable in nightmares but does so with jovial musical numbers. Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham carter sing their asses off and it shows not only in the melodies but in the performances. It's a rare blend of raw emotion and nuance that would be difficult for any actor to pull off, let alone two untrained singers. All praise be to the Depp/Burton alliance, one of the most satisfying actor director team ups of all time.

5. THE DARJEELING LIMITED
Granted this movie probably earned a spot probably when I heard it was announced. That being said, Wes Anderson's fifth film is funny, touching, and genuinely moving. People like to accuse Anderson of relying too much on quirk and repeating the same story over and over again. That's idiotic, but I have noticed a theme running through all of his films. He loves stories about people reinventing their lives, usually going to any means to recreate a story in which they are essentially, happy. Darjeeling is no exception and the most heartbreaking thing about it is that happiness is not found. Anderson rewards the journey rather than the destination, I love this movie.

6. THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Paul Thomas Anderson's horror/western Daniel Day Lewis freak out puts you in a grip that you can not shake free of until several days have passed. In tandem with Jonny Greenwood's powerful score, Anderson finds a way to take you down with protagonist Daniel Plainview's descent into hell. It's an astonishing experience and Daniel Day Lewis plums the very depths of the worst in humanity and comes up with something funny, scary, and all together fascinating. Points also to Paul Dano for matching him note for note, their scenes together burn with an intensity that you can not look away from. Anderson has taken a relatively simple story and packed it with the kind of allegorical heft usually saved for great fiction.

7. INTO THE WILD
Probably a biased call in this case because any movie packed to the gils with Eddie Vedder's music will probably find its way into my top ten list. That being said, Into the Wild is a tragic yet inspiring story consumed with lust for the imagery of its hero's heart. The film offers a surprisingly complex portrait of its lead but more than that, I found it to be a love letter to America. And not in the chest thumping flag waving way, but in about the areas of this country that are still unexplored my most. Where people work, live, an die with the kind of dignity and passion that few of us will ever understand. And in Hal Holbrook's tremendous performance, it is ultimately, a love letter to people.

8. THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD
The most beautiful film of the year and featuring a stand out, titanic performance by Casey Affleck. This slow burn of a movie methodically traces the last days of Jesse James and the beginning of the infamy of Robert Ford. In assessing modern celebrity culture and the intersection of myth and fact, Andrew Dominik's western has the quality of watching legend become history. That is not to suggest this is some kind of flat historical document, rather this is about how the country is shaped by people who take control of their own story and in the process create that world for themselves. The tragic element of it is how destructive it can be to the people, the land, and the myth.

9. THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY
Diving bell manages to convey not only the physical claustrophobia of the main's locked in syndrome but also the psychological capacities in inspires. The results are scary, liberating, an all together incredible to see. The story inspired a kind of collusion of camera and sound that takes you to a place you didn't know movies could take you. It's flashy yet subdued, emotional but never cloying, and above all it's beautiful. With a story that is not so much about over coming illness than it is reassessing one's life and coming to terms with all the mistakes, guilt, and blown opportunities. Schnabel's film is wrenching for sure but ultimately a kind of life we all aspire to.

10. RATATOUILLE and PERSEPOLIS (tie, yeah that's right)
I know I said earlier how a tie would be out of the question. I changed my mind. But I feel like this is completely justified in that these two were revolutionary animated films that are technically brilliant while never losing their humanity. Instead of berating us with pop culture references and celebrity voices. Persepolis and Ratatouille are more interested in character and truth and they succeed brilliantly. Ratatouille may be the best directed film of the year animated or otherwise (I can not wait to see what Brad Bird does in live action) and Persepolis achieves a certain kind of grace in telling the story of a young girl growing up without a proper home. They are both funny, surprising, and wonderfully drawn. Maybe people will rediscover that no matter what D you are in, it's always about story.

ALL TIED FOR 11th PLACE (seriously I love these movies but for the sake of being succinct, I couldn't squeeze them all in)
The Savages, Margot at the Wedding, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, No End in Sight, Eastern Promises, Sunshine, I'm Not There, Control, The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, Rescue Dawn, Joe Strummer: The Future is Unwritten, The Host, Gone Baby Gone, Away From Her, Michael Clayton, Sicko, The Bourne Ultimatum, Lust, Caution, Deep Water

Special Achievement Award (for surpassing the hype and then some:
The Simpsons Movie (you didn't think I forgot about it did you?)

I'll be back later with my annual over-rated, under-rated titles as well my Worst of the year selection.

Until then, it's been real.