All of A Sudden I Miss Everyone

A lot of new stuff to report.
But as they say, out with old, in with the nucleus.

First of all, the explosions in the sky and kevin devine concerts last week were wonderful experiences. Those two are acts that get better every time I see them, and I feel like I know their music so well that it becomes a much more personal experience. Especially Kevin Devine, who played a quiet and intimate set with just a guitar that was the loudest and energetic I've ever seen him. While I hope he achieves success because he deserves it, I also hope he remains relatively close to the status he is now. I don't want to be one of those guys who wants to keep an artist all to himself, but can't I just have Kevin Devine? One day, I will write a movie set to his music...one day. Same goes for explosions, I just hope these guys keep making better music and as long as they have the means to keep doing so, I could give a damn whether they have a video or Rolling Stone writes a cover story about them. Anyway they both put on a great live show, and everybody should try to seem at least once. You best.

Second of all, Babel is one of the best movies I've seen all year. It's a divider, apparently some people falling into the love it camp and others falling into the hate it group. I personally loved it, I think Inarritu makes films like nobody else. I put him in the same class as Terrence Malick in that his films make emotional sense rather than narrative sense. And if you're up for it, it can be one hell of a movie going experience. It overwhelms not only with its cinematic power but also how it delves into the moments that make up a life. It does it without ever becomeing grandoise or self-indulgent, Babel springs from the minds of people who see the brighest light in the darkest night. Babel is a reason why movies are still important and always will be to me.

I have one last thing to share, this was something I was thinking about on the way home from work today. It all ties into the honesty of kevin devin'e music and the beauty of Inarritu's film. I think it does, but just assume it does and we'll meet up halfway.

It all started when I went to a bonified L.A. party this past weekend. I don't say that to be glib or to brag, I'm just an observer relaying how an incident sprung forth some supposed insight from my mind. Anyway we go to this party and for one thing my name was on the guest list. I thought it was very strange that while these two nicely dressed women were pleading with the bouncer to make some special arrangement to let another one of their friends in, Danno and I stroll in like VIP. Me and my dashboard hoodie and my tattered rags, gettin the velvet rope pulled aside for us. Something just didn't seem right. Then we're at the party and it's like everything I'd ever seen in a movie before about L.A. A lot of fake. Fake smiles, other fake body parts. People walking in a certain motion that makes it look like they're posing on a runway, even as they walk to the bathroom. Topher Grace strolled by us on his way to the bathroom, he didn't have a pose, he seemed pretty normal. Sorry about the name dropping, it's the only one I got for this story and I thought it helped add to the atmosphere. Everybody just seemed into this game they were all collectively playing. It seemed like the object was to appear as if you knew something the rest of the club didn't know. To appear as if you had all the answers and were not anywhere near divulging them with the rest of us. It seemed like a very isolating game, but I guess if you're playing with like minded people, it becomes a group effort. People just seemed out to one up each other on every possible level.

This got me thinking about creativity and artistic expression. Where does it happen in all this? How does someone say someting personal about life through this? Not that this was the be all end all of film producion in Los Angeles but a good portion of these people have a lot stake in the process. I've always thought of filmmaking as a chance to say something and connect with someone else in a way that is unlike any other connection possible. It's hard to explain but think about how you felt when you saw a film that really meant something to you. Where you could tell the creators put themself on the line and said something so unabashadely sincere that if this were an alternate universe, you could have made that movie. That's filmmaking, not agents, managers, assistants, executive assistants, clubs, events, bookings, deals, and all the other stuff that people seem to talk about more than what those terms are supposed to support: creativity. I'm sure this will be met with a collective eye-roll, seeing as how I've only been out here a month and a half and am nowhere near grasping how this industry works. I admit to that, but from what I have observed in my time here, this is how I process all of it. I don't have any answers, just more questions. I know I sound naive, but movies to me have never been about what they seem to be about. They're about something I can't name but I've felt it, and hope to capture one day on my own. I don't know, I guess I just felt out of place at this shindig, maybe that's all there is to it.

Sorry for the conclusion, I guess I just ran out of steam.

Good night.

I lost my gun today when I left you and I'm the laughingstock of a lot of people. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know and it's on my mind. And it makes me look like a fool. And I feel like a fool. And you asked that we should say things - that we should say what we're thinking and not lie about things. Well, I can tell you that, this, that I lost my gun today - and I am not a good cop. And I'm looked down at. And I know that. And I'm scared that once you find that out you may not like me.

I can't let this go. I can't let you go. Now, you... you listen to me now. You're a good person. You're a good and beautiful person and I won't let you walk out on me. And I won't let you say those things - those things about how stupid you are and this and that. I won't stand for that. You want to be with me... then you be with me. You see?